A Tale of Two Towels
Listening Produces Answers of Compassionate Truth to Culture’s Questions
Eco-friendly Germans don’t tend to own clothes dryers. Like most other Europeans, they hang their wet clothing on various configurations of drying racks. The same goes for towels and bedding. If you grew up on a farm or have washed beach towels and laid them out to dry in the sun, you might know that towels become stiff if not dried in a dryer. Tumbling and friction make towels fluffy and soft.
My American expat husband was discussing this little-known fact of towel softness with a local German friend, when they realized they had two completely different viewpoints. Owning a dryer, my husband said, “I always know when my towel needs to be washed, because it starts to become stiff and not so soft.”
His non-dryer-owning friend laughed and said, “Ha, I always know when my towel needs to be washed, because it is not stiff and starts to get soft.”
Based on this lesson, I now know that if someone asks, “Is this towel clean or dirty?” I need to first determine if they are German or American. Knowing their original viewpoint matters. In either case the truth about the towel does not change: It is either clean or it is dirty. But, oh, how a person’s perspective can make a difference.
I’ve lived over half a decade in Germany doing vocational ministry, where 98% of people adhere to a different belief system than I do. I’ve learned how important it is to understand their viewpoints if I am to truly engage with them on any topic or question.
However, this notion holds true even if I were living in the U.S. city where I grew up. When I try to understand other peoples’ views, stories and positions, not only do I gain a better grasp of what they are asking, but God also builds compassion in me.
So, I intentionally work hard to avoid living in an echo chamber. Foremost, I listen to sermons and podcasts from diverse conservative and liberal theologians and politicians. Books from authors who don’t look like me or think like me litter my bookshelves.
I access everyday news coverage from multiple outlets with various biases. Plus, if you were to skim my social media timelines, albeit limited, you would find a variety of known and unknown voices on a plethora of social justice issues.
By listening and reading, I form educated opinions to explain my views and understand other peoples’ views, their stories and their positions (Ecclesiastes 3:7). The compassion that results helps create a safe space in which to build a relationship. All because I work to understand them before I start to speak.
If I speak without that prior knowledge, I can come across as judgmental, defensive and dismissive of them as human beings (James 1:19, Genesis 1:27). Yet, if I do all those things and have not devoted considerable time to reading and understanding God’s Word and His perspective on issues, then it is all for naught. Even still, my greatest concern must be how God’s Word applies to me and my own heart condition.
This concept of “same question, two different viewpoints” happened again the other day when a friend asked, “If someone wanted to know what you thought about same-sex marriage, what would you tell them?”
I replied, “Was this ‘someone’ a Christian or non-Christian? Are they currently in a hetero- or same-sex marriage or relationship?”
She laughed and said, “I don’t know!” To which I smiled my reply: “Then I can’t answer your question, because knowing the original point of their perspective is critical to how I answer.”
Similarly, when a young nursing student I mentor probed, “Is abortion OK?” it was important to know that she was doing a clinical rotation in a state-managed women’s health facility. Additionally, she was a growing believer who was young in her faith. When my neighbor asked, “Does your church have women pastors?” I engaged our conversation more skillfully since I already knew her to be a self-proclaimed feminist.
So, while my core answer and conviction of truth in any scenario does not change, my ability to invite love, compassion and grace into the way I express that answer starts from listening to the other person and keeping my heart connected to God. Otherwise, I sound like an American telling a German that their clean towel is dirty.