On Saturday, I awoke still not feeling at rest with two clear pressings from God. The first was that God wanted me to spend a significant time in prayer with Him and second was for me to come up with the “exit strategy” for work. I thought, “That can’t be right, we need my income and clearly we are not leaving for Germany for awhile.” But when I awoke on Sunday with those same pressings, I finally confessed them to Nate. We immediately started to look at the calendar to make my solitude time happen. He, too, saw no logical sense in quitting my job, but we both agreed this needed to be on the table for discussion. We desired to be obedient.
Throughout this time, loyal Nate continued to sit at our kitchen table and read God’s word with his eggs and coffee. Acting out of my unrest I decided I would pick a fight with him. I mean wasn’t he as torn up inside as I was about all that was happening around us? Didn’t he feel the pressings that our family needed to fast, be anointed with oil, or DO something to solve our lack of peace?
Nate, directly, calmly, and full of compassion reminded me that he didn’t need to manufacture something to hear God. That God hadn’t changed the way He communicates with Nate. And the line of communication between them is sitting at the table eating breakfast and reading God’s Word. He also shared that he felt like everything he was reading was God whispering, “Trust Me to show up for you,” and while he didn’t understand our circumstances, he knew he had to trust. I walked away feeling two feet tall, but grateful that I have a husband who knows how he spends time with God and is gentle in his rebuke of me.
I awoke Tuesday, still in a hot mess. I confessed to some girlfriends all my woes, anxiety, and frustration. I finally used the analogy, “It’s like Nate and I have been growing this baby and I’m tired of being pregnant! I am ready for the baby to arrive and start the new part of this process!” They hugged me, laughed with me, and sympathized with the pains of pregnancy.
I awoke on Wednesday fully prepared for another day of unrest. I mean, isn’t this what life had become?!? I cracked open my CBS study of Isaiah and started to read the lesson of chapter 66. In verses 7 – 13 God uses the analogy of childbirth to describe Zion. A section of it reads, “Before she goes into labor, she gives birth; before the pains come upon her, she delivers a son. Who has ever heard of such a thing? … Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery?”
I stopped writing. I just sat and processed.
I interrupted Nate’s Bible/eggs/coffee time and read him the verses. And then Nate asked, “What do you hear God telling you?” I said, “We are in labor.” Nate replied, “I hear, ‘Get ready a baby is coming! A baby is coming!’”
And in that very moment something changed. We couldn’t define it, but both knew that God was preparing our hearts for transition.
(Continued in Part 3)