Having your microwave, dishwasher, and iPod break within days of each other is bad. Spending the money to replace those things right before you sell them seems even worse! So one would guess that when they were freely given to me I would be busting at the seams with joy. But I wasn’t.
I often describe life as a series of dominos. One needs to fall before the next one falls. And if one falls out of turn then the series is broken and the plan for the dominos has been disrupted. Or at least that is how it works in my world.
Those orderly, organized, controlled dominoes are for my human eyes. They are the reminder of the thorn in my flesh, which is “control”. So instead of celebrating what God had done in bringing new electronics for our family, I cried out to him with my sorrow and lack of understanding, because what He had done was not what I wanted to see him do.
My human eyes want our monthly support percentage to be at specific spots in order for me to feel confident in doing the “next thing” within our journey. I want the dominoes to fall in a logical and systematic order. And when God blessed me with something that was not in my “order” I allowed my joy of that blessing to be stolen. In my waiting and trusting I got tired, forgot who was in control, and lost trust in how GOOD my Father is to me. I didn’t trust that God doesn’t have human eyes.
Although the path of God seems difficult it always leads to peace. The other path of control and order seems “easy”, but it only leads to stumbling and darkness. God’s path, the one that’s difficult, is the path that grows your faith. Stretches your trust. Leads me to tears and brokenness and the place where my Father whispers, “I never said it would be easy.”
“Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction … the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” – Matthew 7:13-14