And envelopes continued to arrive (READ THE CARD): gift-cards for Nate and I to go on dates, money to pay our bills and mortgage, money for each of our kids to buy school clothing and supplies, and books to read to enrich our souls. The envelopes started to become our manna.
See living not by our own means was hard and difficult. There was still so much shame that WE were not paying our bills, but only surviving from the gift of others. We were confused as to why God has still not provided us a salaried job and felt shame in telling people that we were ‘still looking’. We longed to be back in control, where life was comfortable. We liked our comforts of Egypt.
We became like the Israelites in Exodus 16 “The Israelites said to them, “If only we had died by the Lord’s hand in Egypt! There we sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve this entire assembly to death.” Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.”
We could recognize that these envelopes were our manna and we started to refer to our ‘Emergency Fund’ as our “Fish and Loaf’ basket. We would take money out and God would supply it back. It never grew past three months, but it never dropped.
He was doing a new thing as in the verse in Isaiah. He was opening Nate’s heart to the path that God wants him to be on. To fully be the person that God created him to be. And back in April having coffee with our counselor now friend he asked Nate, “So have you been co-writing music during this time?” Nate’s reply of “no” brought on a fire storm of WHYS!!!!!! He hadn’t because Nate had fear of his inadequacies. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear that he had lost his talent, fear that he had nothing to contribute. Our friend said, “Do you know —-…then call him…do you know —–…then call him. Or do you need me to call them for you?” Nate left that coffee appointment with the encouragement he needed and called Chad in the car. He happened to answer the phone and scheduled an appointment right then. That night at a friend’s adoption benefit concert we ran into —–. They swapped numbers with intent to schedule an appointment. And in God’s normal orchestration a former buddy of Nate’s that he had not written with in 9 year was at our church Sunday morning leading worship.
See God’s provision again was not monetary, but physical. Nate needed to see his friend up there leading worship to give him the courage and opportunity to reconnect. It was perfect timing. If God had not done all the things in the prior months Nate would not have had the heart or eyes to see God’s provision laid out before him again.